Before all this I used to look at your wrist
because they had slits on them
that I was so tempted to know the story behind.
I would contemplate whether to compliment your green eyes because let’s face it,
I’m not the most approachable person.
I make bad jokes and zone out in public
because I’m too busy trying to think of a poem that will perfectly amount or suffice for the beauty of your appearance...
but I sometimes get stuck.
In all honesty I’m new to this.
And I’m lost half of the time on how to come up to you to start a conversation.
I was afraid that if I placed my hand on yours,
mine would tremble so much that you'll move away.
I was afraid that if I fucked up on even one syllable while speaking to someone so complex,
you would leave.
I feared so many things before even getting the chance to come close to you.
Or at least I thought I was doing well enough to make things last. I don’t want anyone’s pity,
half of this is my fault.
I just thought that maybe you could allow me to show someone other than myself what I have to offer.
You made me blush and confused…
but I loved that.
Sometimes my tongue wouldn’t be able to form
because I was too busy looking at the outline of your cheek bone.
Sometimes I would hulk my lunch down
so I could sneak up on you just in time to hug you from behind and maybe see contentness peaking over your mouth
instead of the misery you've held ownership of in the past.
I guess I’m sorry for trying to get you to open up so I can love every thorn you had stuck in your rose petals.
I guess I apologize for not being exactly what you are searching for.
And I guess I’m sorry for not kissing you when I had the chance cause I was too fracking nervous it wouldn’t be perfect
and you'd stop looking my way.
I am apologetic until the end of my days
and all I wanted was to hold your hand long enough for you to notice someone notices your flaws but adores them more than humanly possible.
I was time wasn’t such a burden
and I wish I could stop wishing and start doing before it’s too late... It IS too late.... maybe this is fate's way of saying friendship is the winning position in us,
maybe there’s not meant to be an "us" because we need to rebuild ourselves from all the damage we've implanted.
But even before all this,
I still knew you completely..
I saw everything you tried to shy away or bring to the light.
I was an expert from head to toe, soul inside out.
What I missed was that the mere thought of you was enough to make even a poet speechless.
I tried so hard to make you love yourself for what you already were but
I must have plucked the wrong thorn and interrupted your blooming,
everything spilled out,
heaven has blessed me with such a godly sight
but I didn’t know what to do with it other than touch that was never mine....
The day you smiled and skipped to the other side of the room to collapse on your chair,
the day you held my hand and it was the best feeling I ever came across... The day.. the day you looked at me while the night and crossroads passed by us in the car backseat…
Is the day I knew you were much more than priority,
much more than what your past lovers have labeled you as, much more than the slits on your wrist that I have yet to learn about.. that’s when I had completely placed myself in the palm of your hands and curve of your neck
I still struggle approach you even though I know everything I once questioned
My fingertips still turn into little stage frights.
My spine still restricts itself from thrusting forward to place you closer to me so our pulses meet
I still contemplate all of this
but you didn’t hesitate to tell me you didn’t feel any of these things.